Rising Strong

1. Embrace vulnerability and curiosity to rise strong after failure

The goal of the process is to rise from our falls, overcome our mistakes, and face hurt in a way that brings more wisdom and wholeheartedness into our lives.

The methodology for recovery after a setback consists of three primary phases: The Reckoning, which involves acknowledging the situation; The Rumble, which centers on taking responsibility for the narrative; and The Revolution, which entails creating a different outcome based on what has been learned. This progression necessitates both a willingness to be vulnerable and an inquisitive mindset regarding one’s emotional state. By participating in this framework, individuals can convert personal setbacks and emotional pain into catalysts for development and a more genuine way of living.

To successfully navigate this recovery process, individuals should:

• Identify the moment they become emotionally reactive.
• Investigate the underlying thoughts and feelings associated with the experience.
• Question the validity of their internal narratives and initial conclusions.
• Incorporate acquired insights into their future conduct and perspective.

2. Recognize and reckon with emotions to avoid off-loading hurt

Emotion can feel terrible, even physically overwhelming. We can feel exposed, at risk, and uncertain in the midst of emotion.

Engaging with one's emotional state is necessary to prevent the externalization of pain through harmful behaviors. Avoiding difficult emotions often results in several counterproductive patterns, including:

• Chandeliering: Holding back emotions until they suddenly and intensely burst forth.
• Bouncing hurt: Deflecting internal pain by resorting to anger, blame, or avoidance.
• Numbing: Attempting to suppress emotional distress through various distractions or substances.
• Stockpiling hurt: Gathering unresolved pain until it manifests as psychological distress like anxiety or depression.
• High-centering: Avoiding vulnerability due to a fear of being stuck in an emotional state.

Effective emotional engagement involves:

• Authorizing oneself to experience the full range of feelings.
• Monitoring internal physical and emotional indicators.
• Utilizing techniques such as breathing and mindfulness to remain present.
• Documenting experiences to achieve greater objective understanding.

3. Rumble with your story to uncover truth and gain key learnings

The goal of the rumble is to get honest about the stories we're making up about our struggles, to revisit, challenge, and reality-check these narratives as we dig into topics such as boundaries, shame, blame, resentment, heartbreak, generosity, and forgiveness.

The investigative phase of this process focuses on analyzing the internal scripts created during a struggle and testing their accuracy. This scrutiny allows for the discovery of deeper facts and provides useful information for the future.

The steps for this investigative phase include:

1. Drafting an initial, unfiltered version of the narrative (the "shitty first draft").
2. Cataloging the individuals involved and the specific emotions present.
3. Critiquing personal assumptions and any invented details.
4. Considering different viewpoints and ways to interpret the events.
5. Determining the discrepancy between the initial narrative and the actual facts.
6. Identifying the specific lessons found within that discrepancy.

4. Practice self-compassion and avoid shame in the face of failure

The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity.

Developing a compassionate stance toward oneself is essential when dealing with disappointment or loss. While shame promotes self-deprecating thoughts and harmful actions, self-compassion fosters the resilience needed for improvement.

To implement self-compassion:

• Distinguish between shame, which attacks one’s identity, and guilt, which focuses on specific actions.
• Use the same supportive internal language one would offer to a peer.
• Accept personal limitations and the common human experience of imperfection.
• Consult with reliable individuals or experts for external support.
• Employ mindfulness to view thoughts objectively without attaching judgment.

5. Cultivate wholehearted living through integration and authenticity

We can't be "all in" if only parts of us show up. If we're not living, loving, parenting, or leading with our whole, integrated hearts, we're doing it halfheartedly.

Living a full and honest life involves merging all parts of the self, including areas of weakness and flaws. This synthesis leads to more meaningful social bonds and a stronger internal sense of value.

Progressing toward this integrated state involves:

• Accepting the entire self, including perceived shortcomings.
• Questioning external social pressures and standards.
• Developing a sense of self-regard and acceptance.
• Choosing to be open and transparent within interpersonal connections.
• Ensuring that personal behaviors are consistent with core principles.

6. Establish boundaries and practice accountability in relationships

Boundaries are simply our lists of what's okay and what's not okay.

Healthy interpersonal dynamics rely on the presence of clear limits and personal responsibility. By defining and expressing what is acceptable, individuals foster environments based on mutual respect and genuine engagement.

Key elements of these dynamics include:

• Creating precise definitions of acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
• Expressing these limits in a considerate manner.
• Taking responsibility for one’s own actions and expecting the same from others.
• Utilizing empathy to understand different perspectives.
• Engaging in necessary but challenging dialogues.
• Identifying that reliability and trust are established through consistent actions over time.

7. Transform organizational culture through story rumbles

Story rumble teams would be trained to use the rising strong process to facilitate large and small group discussions around pressing issues.

Adopting structured narrative reviews within a professional setting can improve transparency, conflict resolution, and the overall environment of reliability.

Advantages for an organization include:

• Promoting transparent and sincere communication between members.
• Dealing with interpersonal friction and errors in a proactive way.
• Supporting a workplace focused on ongoing education and refinement.
• Enhancing mutual trust and understanding within the workforce.
• Matching the values of the individual with the goals of the institution.
• Strengthening the quality of collaborative problem-solving and strategic choices.

8. Redefine smart and embrace your authentic self

Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined.

Living authentically involves scrutinizing conventional views on success and intelligence. By establishing these definitions based on personal criteria, individuals can improve their self-assurance and self-acceptance.

Actions for redefining these concepts include:

• Identifying and critiquing learned views regarding competence and value.
• Acknowledging and valuing one’s specific talents and background.
• Accepting one's own history and cultural identity.
• Setting personal benchmarks for what constitutes achievement.
• Interacting with social circles that validate one’s true self.

9. Challenge nostalgia and face hard truths about your past

We need to cross-examine them, recognizing and accepting the inconsistencies and gaps in those that make us proud and happy as well as those that cause us pain.

Analyzing one’s personal history with objectivity is vital for psychological development. Sentimentality can frequently obscure uncomfortable realities and stop individuals from resolving significant past issues.

Methods for objectively reviewing the past include:

• Gathering various accounts and perspectives of previous occurrences.
• Recognizing the multifaceted nature of family dynamics and history.
• Identifying recurring mental or behavioral habits rooted in earlier life.
• Assessing the long-term consequences of stressful or traumatic events.
• Applying historical insights to make better decisions in the present.

10. Engage in constructive criticism and ignore cheap shots

For criticism to be useful, you have to have some skin in the game.

Identifying the difference between helpful feedback and malicious remarks is essential for growth in any context. Utilizing valid critiques while dismissing baseless attacks allows for improvement without damaging one's sense of self.

Standards for evaluating feedback:

• Assess the origin of the critique and the intent behind it.
• Prioritize the views of individuals whose expertise or relationship is significant.
• Separate the factual content of the feedback from the emotional response it triggers.
• Treat useful criticism as a resource for professional or personal advancement.
• Build the psychological strength to dismiss comments that are irrelevant or intended to harm.

11. Make rising strong a daily practice for revolutionary change

Rising strong is the final piece of this transformation.

Applying the recovery process to daily life leads to significant internal shifts and influences others positively. Maintaining a commitment to transparency, inquiry, and self-evaluation creates sustainable change in personal and professional spheres.

Ways to habituate this process:

• Perform frequent self-assessments of current thoughts and emotional states.
• Use journaling as a tool for processing daily events and difficulties.
• Discuss personal narratives and insights with a reliable support network.
• Use the recovery framework for minor daily obstacles and frustrations.
• Support the growth of others by encouraging them to use similar processes.
• Acknowledge and mark personal milestones in resilience and development.

Last updated: January 22, 2025