Braving the Wilderness

1. True Belonging Requires Braving the Wilderness Alone

You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.

True belonging is defined by an internal state rather than social acceptance. It involves a deep commitment to one's own identity and worth, allowing an individual to maintain their integrity even when isolated. This "wilderness" represents a metaphorical space of solitude where one must confront vulnerability and fear. It is a paradoxical state where the act of standing alone actually facilitates a deeper connection to the rest of humanity.

Navigating this path requires an internal compass rather than a reliance on external validation. It necessitates aligning personal actions with core values, even when those values conflict with the surrounding group. While this can result in temporary loneliness, it is presented as the only route to authentic belonging.

• This process involves dismantling defensive barriers and ideological isolation to live with authenticity.
• It requires a consistent willingness to prioritize personal integrity over group consensus.

The freedom found in this state stems from the realization that self-worth is not contingent on the approval of others. True belonging is an internal condition that recognizes the sacredness of both participating in a collective and maintaining the strength to stand independently.

2. Fitting In is Not True Belonging

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.

Fitting in is characterized by the effort to adapt oneself to meet the expectations of a group. This behavior serves as an inadequate substitute for genuine belonging and frequently results in feelings of inauthenticity. Because fitting in is based on seeking external approval, it actually functions as a barrier to real connection.

Authenticity is a prerequisite for true belonging. This requires individuals to reveal their genuine, imperfect selves to others. By embracing vulnerabilities and flaws rather than concealing them, people can establish the foundations for real intimacy and connection.

• Belonging is about maintaining one's identity rather than conforming to the desires of others.
• The process involves replacing self-destructive tendencies with self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance serves as the essential foundation for belonging. An individual's ability to belong is directly limited by the degree to which they accept themselves. This is described as an internal development rather than a pursuit of external status.

3. Our World is in a Spiritual Crisis of Disconnection

Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion.

Society is currently facing a spiritual crisis marked by the loss of a shared sense of humanity. People have increasingly sorted themselves into factions based on political and ideological lines. This environment fosters a culture of blame and hostility rather than one of understanding and connection.

• Division is prevalent across nearly every facet of modern life.
• Hearts are often constrained by a climate of cynicism and pervasive distrust.

The drive to self-sort into like-minded groups is fueled by a fear of conflict, criticism, and vulnerability. This behavior creates echo chambers that suppress dissenting voices and lead to increasingly extreme perspectives.

• The phenomenon of terrorism can be viewed as fear released over time.
• Society has shifted away from mutual support toward a focus on anger and finger-pointing.

Addressing this crisis requires the courage to be vulnerable and a willingness to engage with others across ideological divides. Reclaiming connection involves recognizing shared humanity rather than relying on shared political or social beliefs.

4. Hate is Easier From a Distance; Move Closer

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.

Broad perspectives often highlight global hatred and division, but focusing on individual lives reveals common experiences of love, hope, and struggle. It is far less difficult to direct animosity toward large, abstract groups than toward specific individuals with whom one has a personal connection.

• Anger often serves as a more accessible emotion than the underlying feelings of hurt or fear.
• Stereotypes frequently dictate the assumptions made about others.

Opinions of others should be formed through direct, personal interactions rather than through media narratives or political messaging. This requires a commitment to questioning personal biases and examining whether direct experiences contradict broader societal generalizations.

• There is a need to distinguish between lived reality and information received through news outlets.
• Personal proximity makes it difficult to maintain sustained hatred.

Hatred often functions as a mask for internal pain. While addressing this pain with compassion requires significant courage, it is the only method for ending cycles of hostility. Individuals must learn to identify and process their own pain instead of projecting it onto others.

5. Speak Truth to Bullshit, But Be Civil

By virtue of this, bullshit is a greater enemy of the truth than lies are.

A distinction exists between lying and "bullshitting." While a lie is an intentional defiance of the truth, bullshitting represents a total dismissal of the importance of facts. This makes it more dangerous, as it prioritizes personal narratives or social positioning over objective reality.

• Bullshitting often occurs when people feel pressured to speak on topics they do not understand.
• It signifies a breakdown in the belief that objective truths can be identified and known.

False dichotomies, such as the claim that one is "either with us or against us," are forms of bullshitting used to force alignment and silence nuance. These are often emotional appeals rather than fact-based arguments, used to weaponize a sense of belonging.

• These arguments are designed to compel individuals to choose sides.
• They transform emotional reactions into tools for group enforcement.

Addressing these behaviors requires civility, which involves the ability to disagree without showing disrespect. Civility is about seeking common ground and listening to others despite existing preconceptions. It is a method of managing interpersonal power to ensure all perspectives are acknowledged.

• Civility means staying engaged with people even during intense and fundamental disagreements.
• It involves challenging ideas while simultaneously maintaining human connection.

6. Hold Hands with Strangers to Feel Human Connection

We’re in a spiritual crisis, and the key to building a true belonging practice is maintaining our belief in inextricable human connection.

A fundamental connection exists between all people that transcends social or political differences. This connection is rooted in a shared human experience, and while it cannot be truly broken, the belief in its existence is frequently challenged by modern life.

• The belief in an unbreakable human bond provides a consistent source of courage when facing the "wilderness."
• Without this belief, the isolation of standing alone becomes overwhelming.

Participating in collective moments of joy and pain is essential for witnessing shared humanity. These experiences serve as reminders that individuals are part of a larger whole and are not alone in their experiences.

• Events such as musical performances, funerals, and protests serve as powerful venues for shared emotion.
• These moments demonstrate the potential and reality of the human spirit.

These experiences facilitate a shift from a self-centered focus to a group-centered perspective. They represent sacred interactions that move beyond individual differences and tap into a hardwired human need for communal connection.

7. Cultivate a Strong Back, Soft Front, and Wild Heart

All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine.

A Strong Back represents the development of courage, integrity, and self-respect. It involves the ability to defend one's beliefs, set firm boundaries, and remain accountable for one's actions, even in the face of social pressure.

• This requires moving past the need for universal approval and the fear of upsetting others.
• It involves a deliberate choice to prioritize bravery over personal comfort.

A Soft Front is characterized by vulnerability and an openness to others. It involves the willingness to be seen authentically, including one's flaws, and the courage to engage in love and compassion despite the potential for hurt.

• It means participating in life even when the results are unpredictable.
• It involves fostering environments where individuals feel safe enough to be authentic.

A Wild Heart embodies the ability to navigate the paradoxes of emotion. It allows an individual to be simultaneously tough and tender, or fierce and kind. It means acknowledging global suffering while still actively pursuing personal joy.

• This involves managing the tension between fighting for social change and experiencing happiness.
• It requires protecting one's inner spirit from constant external and internal criticism.

8. The Power of Collective Joy and Pain

The transformative power of art is in this sharing. Without connection or collective engagement, what we hear is simply a caged song of sorrow and despair; we find no liberation in it. It’s the sharing of art that whispers, “You’re not alone.”

Shared experiences of joy and suffering are vital for reinforcing the sense of human connection. These collective events bypass individual differences and address the inherent human requirement for social bonds.

• Collective experiences reveal the common truths of the human condition.
• They provide reassurance that personal struggles are shared by others.

Music is a particularly effective medium for convening people. It communicates emotions directly, creating a unified sense of connection through shared feeling.

• Music often serves as the core of spiritual rituals, community celebrations, and social movements.
• It provides a structured way to express and communicate complex or painful emotions.

Participating in these collective moments is described as a "ministry of presence." By simply being present for others during times of joy or grief, individuals provide mutual support and reaffirm the fact that no one is truly alone.

• Funerals serve as a primary example of how people can share in collective mourning.
• The practice involves leaning into shared experiences of fear and pain rather than avoiding them.

9. Dehumanization is the Enemy of Belonging

Dehumanizing others is the process by which we become accepting of violations against human nature, the human spirit, and, for many of us, violations against the central tenets of our faith.

Dehumanization is the psychological process of portraying an "enemy" as less than human. This tactic is used to make the mistreatment of others socially and morally acceptable. It typically begins with language or imagery that compares people to animals or inanimate objects.

• Dehumanization bypasses the natural human resistance to harming others.
• It results in "moral exclusion," where certain groups are no longer considered worthy of ethical treatment.

This exclusion justifies the denial of basic human rights and has historically paved the way for systemic violence, oppression, and war crimes.

• This process has been a catalyst for various historical atrocities and human rights violations.
• It provides the psychological framework that allows for exploitation and trafficking.

Resisting this trend requires an active rejection of dehumanizing language. It is necessary to uphold the dignity of every person regardless of their affiliations and to demand a level of public discourse that treats all individuals as fully human.

10. Vulnerability is the Path to Courage and Connection

The special courage it takes to experience true belonging is not just about braving the wilderness, it’s about becoming the wilderness.

Vulnerability is not an indication of weakness; rather, it is the most accurate way to measure courage. It involves the willingness to engage with the world and be seen by others even when the outcome of a situation is uncertain or risky.

• Vulnerability involves navigating emotional exposure and the risk of failure.
• It is the essential starting point for trust, intimacy, and genuine love.

True belonging requires a consistent choice to value courage over comfort. This means being prepared to enter unknown situations and have difficult conversations that others might avoid.

• It involves a commitment to maintaining integrity even when it results in standing alone.
• It means moving beyond defensive stances to live with an open and "wild" heart.

Ultimately, true belonging is not just a journey through the "wilderness" but the process of "becoming the wilderness." This entails breaking down artificial social barriers and living according to one's internal values rather than past hurts.

Last updated: January 31, 2025