Untamed
I was a goddamn cheetah.
1. Embrace Your True Self: Unleash Your Wild and Authentic Nature
I was a goddamn cheetah.
The transition from a socialized existence to an authentic one requires acknowledging that individuals are often conditioned by societal constraints. This process involves identifying and deconstructing the external expectations that lead to conformity. By recognizing these internal and external "cages," an individual can begin to align their life with their inherent nature.
Key aspects of this transition include:
- Analyzing and rejecting societal pressures that restrict individual expression.
- Evaluating personal beliefs to ensure they reflect internal truth rather than external conditioning.
- Validating personal characteristics that deviate from established social norms.
Reconnecting with an authentic state allows for the realization of untapped potential. While the shift away from conformity may cause initial discomfort, it is a functional requirement for long-term personal development and satisfaction.
2. Feel It All: Emotions Are the Fuel of Personal Growth
Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even the hard ones.
Personal development is often hindered by the suppression of difficult emotions. Rather than avoiding psychological discomfort, individuals should process the full spectrum of their feelings. This comprehensive engagement with emotion facilitates:
- The acquisition of data regarding personal needs and psychological states.
- The cultivation of resilience and improved emotional intelligence.
- The use of emotional challenges as a primary driver for behavioral change.
Emotions serve as essential indicators within the human experience. By fully acknowledging both positive and negative states, individuals can approach life's complexities with increased analytical clarity and psychological endurance.
3. Trust Your Inner Knowing: Listen to Your Intuition
Be Still and Know.
In environments characterized by high levels of external noise and contradictory information, the cultivation of internal discernment is vital. This practice requires:
- Dedicating time to reflection and quietude to access internal insights.
- Distinguishing between reactions driven by fear and genuine intuitive guidance.
- Committing to actions dictated by internal logic, even when such actions are difficult.
Establishing a reliable connection with internal knowledge ensures that decisions remain consistent with an individual's core values. This alignment results in increased confidence and a more integrated life.
4. Dare to Imagine: Use Your Imagination to Create a Better Life
Imagination is how personal and worldwide revolutions begin.
Imagination functions as a cognitive tool for conceptualizing and implementing change. The ability to envision alternative realities is the foundational step in systemic and personal transformation. This involves:
- Deconstructing the belief that current circumstances are unchangeable.
- Visualizing optimized structures for personal life, professional environments, and social systems.
- Utilizing creative thought to address complex problems and bypass traditional obstacles.
By conceptualizing new possibilities, individuals can transcend existing limitations. This application of imagination is a mechanism for both personal actualization and broader social progress.
5. Build and Burn: Let Go of What No Longer Serves You
Destruction is essential to construction.
Evolutionary growth frequently necessitates the termination of existing structures, such as outdated beliefs, relationships, or professional roles. This cycle of renewal involves:
- Identifying elements of life that have become inconsistent with one’s current trajectory.
- Exercising the agency required to end or significantly alter these misaligned elements.
- Recognizing that the instability associated with change is an indicator of progress.
Systematically removing obsolete aspects of life creates the necessary capacity for new growth. This process of intentional deconstruction is fundamental to maintaining a life that remains consistent with evolving personal values.
6. Challenge Societal Expectations: Define Your Own Path
Freedom is not being for or against an ideal, but creating your own existence from scratch.
Social systems often impose standardized definitions of success and behavior. Achieving autonomy requires a critical evaluation of these external metrics. This involves:
- Analyzing the validity of cultural and social standards.
- Formulating independent values and hierarchical priorities.
- Maintaining an authentic lifestyle regardless of its alignment with conventional expectations.
By detaching from external validation, individuals can construct a life based on personalized objectives. Although this path may involve social friction, it provides a higher degree of integrity and individual fulfillment.
7. Redefine Love and Relationships: Prioritize Self-Love and Authentic Connections
Me and myself: We are till death do us part.
The quality of interpersonal relationships is directly linked to the individual's level of self-integration and self-respect. This perspective emphasizes:
- Ensuring that personal well-being and requirements are addressed as a priority.
- Establishing and maintaining firm boundaries within all social interactions.
- Prioritizing connections that respect and reinforce the individual's authentic identity.
Developing a stable internal foundation allows for the formation of healthier external bonds. This approach ensures that relationships are built on a basis of mutual wholeness rather than a perceived need for external completion.
8. Parenting with Courage: Empower Your Children to Be Their True Selves
My children do not need me to save them. My children need to watch me save myself.
Effective parental guidance focuses on modeling integrity rather than simply providing protection. The objective is to demonstrate how to navigate life with resilience. Strategies include:
- Modeling self-respect and the maintenance of personal standards.
- Validating the child’s unique identity and forms of expression.
- Providing a framework for managing complex emotions and environmental challenges.
By demonstrating authenticity, parents equip children with the tools necessary for self-reliance. This method fosters confidence and prepares the next generation to handle life's variables while remaining true to themselves.
9. Confront Racism and Privilege: Actively Work Towards Social Justice
We must commit to pulling our brothers and sisters out of the river and also commit to going upstream to identify, confront, and hold accountable those who are pushing them in.
Engaging with issues of systemic racism and privilege requires a shift from passive awareness to active intervention. This responsibility includes:
- Acquiring a comprehensive understanding of how systemic inequality functions.
- Evaluating personal biases and the ways in which one may benefit from existing hierarchies.
- Participating in efforts to restructure or dismantle inequitable systems.
Directly addressing social justice issues is a necessary component of creating an equitable society. This commitment involves continuous self-assessment and a proactive approach to structural accountability.
10. Navigate Mental Health: Embrace Your Struggles as Superpowers
The fire that burned me up for the first half of my life is the exact same fire I'm using now to light up the world.
Mental health challenges can be re-evaluated as traits that offer specific advantages and perspectives. This reframing involves:
- Identifying the functional benefits, such as heightened empathy or creativity, associated with certain psychological experiences.
- Utilizing personal history to develop specialized insights and connections with others.
- Managing health through a combination of self-awareness and professional support.
By viewing mental health experiences as integral parts of a person's cognitive makeup, these challenges can be transformed into assets. This allows individuals to use their unique perspectives as tools for personal and social impact.
11. Choose Joy: Pursue Your Happiness Without Guilt
I chose Abby. I chose my own joy.
The pursuit of happiness is a functional necessity rather than a peripheral concern. Selecting joy as a primary objective is a strategic choice for a sustainable life. This involves:
- Systematically identifying activities and environments that produce genuine satisfaction.
- Making objective decisions that prioritize these positive outcomes.
- Rejecting the social pressure to feel guilt when prioritizing personal well-being.
Prioritizing joy increases an individual's capacity to contribute positively to their environment. While choosing happiness over expectation may require significant resolve, it is the essential mechanism for maintaining an authentic and sustainable life.
Last updated: January 22, 2025
What's Untamed about?
- Personal Evolution: A memoir tracking Doyle’s transition from living by social rules to pursuing her own truth.
- Deconditioning: An exploration of how cultural expectations act as mental restraints.
- Living Authentically: A call to prioritize internal desires over external validation.
Why should I read Untamed?
- Motivational: Encourages a radical shift toward self-acceptance.
- Shared Humanity: Addresses universal struggles with identity, family, and duty.
- Actionable Wisdom: Offers a fresh perspective on achieving personal liberation.
What are the key takeaways of Untamed?
- Emotional Presence: Lean into every feeling to find your path.
- Intuitive Silence: Find clarity by listening to your inner "knowing."
- Bold Visioning: Use your imagination to build a life that fits you perfectly.
What are the best quotes from Untamed and what do they mean?
- “You are not crazy. You are a goddamn cheetah.”: You possess a fierce, natural power that society tries to suppress.
- “We can do hard things.”: Human beings are built to endure and overcome difficulty.
- “Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.”: Self-betrayal is a higher price to pay than failing to meet others' expectations.
How does Glennon Doyle define "cages" in Untamed?
- Social Constraints: Cultural blueprints that dictate how people "should" behave.
- Gendered Scripts: Specific roles assigned to women that limit their potential.
- Mental Barriers: Learned behaviors that keep individuals from acting on their instincts.
How does Untamed address motherhood?
- Rejecting Martyrdom: Argues that mothers should be models of fulfillment, not sacrifice.
- Radical Honesty: Navigating major life changes with transparency toward children.
- Resilience Training: Showing children that discomfort is a necessary part of growth.
What role does love play in Untamed?
- Awakening: Love acts as the spark that reveals one's true identity.
- Safe Harbor: Real connection provides the security needed to be vulnerable.
- Freedom: Love should expand a person's world, not shrink it.
How does Untamed encourage readers to embrace their wildness?
- Instinctual Living: Returning to one's raw, unpolished nature.
- Defying Norms: Purposefully stepping outside of "tame" societal boxes.
- Unique Paths: Celebrating the individual journey over the common road.
How does Glennon Doyle define love in Untamed?
- Mutual Liberty: A dynamic where both partners are supported in being their truest selves.
- Active Commitment: A choice expressed through consistent, supportive behavior.
- Authentic Acceptance: Valuing a person for who they are, not who they could be.
What is the significance of the title Untamed?
- Liberation: The act of shedding artificial layers and expectations.
- Primal Strength: Reconnecting with the powerful, natural self.
- Authenticity: Choosing a "wild" life of truth over a "domesticated" life of performance.
What is Together Rising, and how is it connected to Untamed?
- Activism: A nonprofit focused on assisting families and children in need.
- Shared Empathy: Turning collective pain into tangible community support.
- Purpose in Action: A real-world application of the book’s themes of compassion and bravery.
How does Glennon Doyle's relationship with Abby Wambach influence Untamed?
- Transformation: Their meeting serves as the catalyst for Doyle’s self-revolution.
- Equality: Provides a model for a partnership based on mutual respect rather than roles.
- Courage: Demonstrates the rewards of choosing love even when it defies convention.