Dare to Lead

1. Embrace vulnerability to cultivate courage and connection

Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome.

Vulnerability represents a position of strength rather than a lack of fortitude. It serves as the foundation for creative advancement, organizational evolution, and meaningful change. Engaging with vulnerability involves acknowledging risks, navigating uncertainty, and accepting the potential for failure. By choosing to be vulnerable, individuals prioritize bravery over comfort, which leads to more genuine professional and personal experiences.

This commitment to courage facilitates the following:

• The formation of deeper interpersonal bonds
• The promotion of creative problem-solving
• An increase in self-awareness
• Enhanced recovery from setbacks

Practical applications include:

• Discussing challenges and concerns with trusted associates
• Openly acknowledging when information is missing
• Engaging in calculated professional risks
• Seeking assistance when necessary

2. Practice empathy and self-compassion to build shame resilience

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. That's why it loves perfectionists—it's so easy to keep us quiet.

Shame is a pervasive human emotion that can negatively influence both individual well-being and professional dynamics. It is characterized by the painful belief that one is fundamentally flawed. Because shame gains power through concealment, identifying and discussing it is the primary method for reducing its influence.

Empathy and self-compassion act as direct counters to shame. Developing resilience involves:

1. Identifying the specific triggers of shame
2. Maintaining a critical perspective on these feelings
3. Connecting with a support network
4. Verbalizing the experience to others

Effective empathy requires:

• Adopting the viewpoints of others
• Avoiding judgmental reactions
• Identifying the emotions of peers
• Confirming that those emotions are understood

Self-compassion is maintained by:

• Choosing self-kindness over harsh self-criticism
• Recognizing that struggle is a shared human experience
• Utilizing mindfulness to avoid becoming overwhelmed by negative thoughts

3. Live into your values by translating them into specific behaviors

If we want people to fully show up, to bring their whole selves including their unarmored, whole hearts—so that we can innovate, solve problems, and serve people—we have to be vigilant about creating a culture in which people feel safe, seen, heard, and respected.

Values serve as essential frameworks for making difficult decisions and navigating complex environments. However, abstract values are only effective when they are converted into observable, practical actions. Organizations and individuals must be intentional about defining what these values look like in daily practice to ensure they are actually being upheld.

To integrate values into daily life:

1. Select two primary values as core priorities
2. Define three or four specific actions that embody each value
3. Identify behaviors that contradict or undermine these values
4. Apply self-compassion when performance does not meet these standards

Examples of values translated into actions:

• Value: Courage
  • Action: Contributing differing opinions during collaborative sessions
  • Action: Pursuing innovative projects despite potential risks
• Value: Integrity
  • Action: Meeting obligations even when it is difficult to do so
  • Action: Owning the results of one's mistakes

4. Build trust through consistent, small actions over time

Trust is the stacking and layering of small moments and reciprocal vulnerability over time. Trust and vulnerability grow together, and to betray one is to destroy both.

Trust is rarely the result of a single significant event; it is built through the accumulation of minor, consistent interactions. These "deposits" of reliability and accountability form the basis of mutual respect. Trust and vulnerability are interdependent, meaning the development of one necessitates the presence of the other.

The BRAVING framework outlines the components of trust:

• Boundaries: Establishing and honoring personal and professional limits
• Reliability: Consistently following through on promises
• Accountability: Taking responsibility and correcting errors
• Vault: Maintaining confidentiality and privacy
• Integrity: Prioritizing ethical choices over personal ease
• Non-judgment: Allowing for open requests and dialogue without criticism
• Generosity: Interpreting the intentions of others in the most positive light possible

Practical trust-building involves:

• Maintaining consistency between words and deeds
• Engaging in transparent communication
• Respecting the boundaries of colleagues
• Demonstrating vulnerability by admitting faults

5. Learn to give and receive productive feedback

If you're not willing to give and receive feedback, you're not ready to lead.

The ability to exchange feedback is a fundamental requirement for professional growth and leadership. This process is most effective in environments characterized by psychological safety, where individuals feel they can speak honestly without facing negative repercussions.

Standards for providing feedback include:

• Prioritizing specific behaviors over character traits
• Delivering observations in a timely manner
• Maintaining a balance between constructive critique and positive reinforcement
• Utilizing first-person perspectives to describe observations
• Offering practical steps for future improvement

Standards for accepting feedback include:

• Practicing active listening and avoiding defensive postures
• Seeking clarification to ensure full comprehension
• Acknowledging the effort of the person providing the input
• Reflecting on the information before taking action

To foster a feedback-oriented environment:

• Leaders should actively solicit feedback to model vulnerability
• Organizations should provide formal training on communication techniques
• Feedback should be integrated into routine interactions rather than isolated events

6. Develop resilience by teaching "rising skills" proactively

We can't expect people to be brave and risk failure if they're not prepped for hard landings.

Resilience is a technical skill that can be acquired through training. By preparing for potential setbacks before they occur, individuals are more likely to engage in the risks necessary for innovation. This proactive approach ensures that failures are treated as temporary hurdles rather than permanent roadblocks.

Resilience consists of three stages:

1. The Reckoning: Identifying emotional responses and investigating their origins
2. The Rumble: Analyzing the internal narratives we create and questioning their accuracy
3. The Revolution: Changing behavior patterns based on new insights to achieve different outcomes

Methods to build these skills:

• Enhancing emotional self-regulation
• Adopting a growth mindset that treats errors as data points
• Strengthening support systems and problem-solving abilities
• Encouraging structured reflection following professional setbacks

Organizational support for resilience includes:

• Including resilience training in professional development programs
• Normalizing discussions regarding failure and recovery
• Rewarding the process of learning rather than focusing exclusively on the final result

7. Recognize and challenge the stories we tell ourselves

The story I'm telling myself...

When faced with incomplete information, the human brain tends to create narratives to explain the situation. These stories are often influenced by personal anxieties or past negative experiences, which can lead to misguided conclusions. By identifying and scrutinizing these internal narratives, individuals can respond to challenges with greater objectivity.

The process for evaluating internal stories:

1. Identifying when a situation has caused an emotional reaction
2. Investigating the nature of that reaction
3. Defining the specific narrative being constructed
4. Testing the validity of the assumptions within that narrative
5. Seeking additional objective information
6. Reconstructing the story based on factual evidence

Common narrative errors include:

• Catastrophizing: Assuming the most negative result will occur
• Mind-reading: Assuming the motivations or thoughts of others without evidence
• Personalizing: Interpreting external events as a direct reflection of oneself
• Overgeneralizing: Applying the outcome of one event to all future scenarios

Mastering this process leads to:

• A reduction in interpersonal conflict
• More objective decision-making processes
• Enhanced clarity in professional communication
• Increased emotional intelligence

Last updated: January 22, 2025